just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Randomize
