Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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