I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
