I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
