Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
