Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
