; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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