one might say we're banned from that church
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
