Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
