4 words: hood of his car
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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