She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
