Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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