Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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