I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize