I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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