She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
