I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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