Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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