my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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