If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize