I love black thongs
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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