FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
