I've blown a few things in my day
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
