bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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