We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have fence marks all over my body
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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