hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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