Four minutes until I can fart!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
