dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
