I won't be sarcastic... just naked
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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