you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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