I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
