So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
