You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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