Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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