So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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