I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i believe in u and ur pee
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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