I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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