You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
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