like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I didn't notice because vodka
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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