I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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