Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want her autograph on my taint
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
