What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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