fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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