I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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