Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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