im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize