You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
