i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this boner is exhausting
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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