I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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