I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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