i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
