Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
