There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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