I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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