Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
