As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
