I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
