I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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