I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
