just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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