apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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