I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
