i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
