She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
