i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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