census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
