what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
